It's cold outside...

But I know there must be some kind of atmosphere what with the wind and the clouds etc..

Sorry, my bad. I'm just trying to keep my spirits up. Most probably none of you get the reference anyway.

Well, I suppose I should start with what happened between Wednesday and Saturday. Here's a list of significant events:

• 
  

... Hence the lack of posting.

Yesterday decided to be different. The weather turned cold, and there was snow on the hills. No snow here, though. When I was coming back from the shops, for a split second I thought I saw Malinky following me, but then when I turned he wasn't there. I simply shivered and carried on.

After dinner, I got to my room and found Susan looking at Robin's mask. I asked her what she was doing, and she jumped. She looked sad, and then she said "I wish I could've met him."

"Robin?" I asked, slightly perplexed.

"Yeah." She paused and I sat down next to her. I held out my hand and she gave me the mask. All the memories came to the front of my mind, and I felt tears seeping into my eyes. "If you hadn't dug your heels in, it could have been us."

I looked at her. She had tears in her eyes as well.

"Yeah." I felt bad about the things I'd said to him. He didn't seem like a bad person, and yet I acted as if I hated him. "Why did he have to be so ... nice?" Susan gave me a weird look. "It would have been so much easier if he was a bad person."

"He wasn't so nice to you in the beginning."

I thought back. To when he'd tackled me, to when he'd pinned me down after I tried to run, to when he grabbed me in the street and gleefully told me his boss had given me two weeks. I remembered how big he seemed at the time, how frightened I was at the time. But it turned out he was the same age as me. I held back a bitter laugh as I realised what a hypocrite I'd been.

"Yeah, he was a little warped, but who are we to talk? I treated him like some weirdo, when he was just trying to be friendly." I shook my head and thought of the times I'd tried to push him away. It was only at the very end, when I thought I was about to die, that I'd let myself relax around him. "I should have gotten to know him better."

I started crying. Susan faded away. I could feel her sympathy, though, even though she said nothing.
_

This morning was another early start. There was snow on the ground, and the air was at that temperature where it completely sucks the heat out of anything that touches it for more than a few seconds. I wrapped up warm, but the wind decided to join in, so after just a few minutes I was already feeling pretty chilled.

When I was nearing the bus stop, I could see the commuters lined up against the wall, bored as usual. But someone else was there as well, standing right next to them. I was already cold, so the sight didn't perturb me. (It's hard to feel fear when you're already willing yourself forward against the freezing cold.) Heh, if it weren't for the time of year, he would have fitted right in, what with his business suit and all.

[The road was a mix of water and grit, but there was more than half an inch of snow on the pavement. Not much by our standards (and a piffling amount compared to last year) but I'm sure it would be enough to send London grinding to a halt, am I right?]

So, I carried on, crossing the road, and approached the bus stop as usual, though slightly wary of the tall dude. I stopped when I was next to him. I didn't want to look up and expose my neck to the wind, but I had no choice if I wanted an inkling of what he was thinking. He reached out his hand, and after a moment of thought I took it. He led me a little away from the commuters; farther down the street to a wider section of pavement. Snowflakes started to float down.

We stopped around the middle of that wider space. When he spoke, it took me completely by surprise. At first I didn't understand what he said. It was quiet, but piercing - sort of electronic and bleepy, like a corrupted audio file.

"What?"

He spoke again, this time more clearly.

"who. are. you."

It still sounded slightly electronic, but it was no longer crackly and there were much fewer random bleeps. The intonation was weird, though. The word "are" was much higher than the other words, and his pitch seemed to wobble slightly on "you". I didn't know how to answer his question, so I stood there staring back at him, shivering with the wind. After a while, he put his hands behind my head and gripped my skull. Warmness started to seep through my body, and suddenly I felt very very scared.

A series of images flashed through my mind. These were my own memories, and it was as if I was reliving them. He showed me all the bad things I'd done, the things I'm ashamed of, the times I'd been tortured, and when I'd been selfish despite instinct.

My awareness returned and the hands lifted slightly. I looked up at him, but his not-a-face didn't betray any intention or emotion.

"N-no, that's not who I am." I stammered. He tilted his head to the right, then the hands returned and more images flashed through my brain. This time, he showed me all my acts of selflessness, of mercy, of helping other despite inconvenience or sacrifice.

Again, my vision returned and the hands lifted. His head was still tilted, and he stayed motionless.

"But that's not me either."

His head returned to normal position, and his hands touched my head for the last time. Memories flooded through me, both good and bad, some neutral, and within it were summed up the most important aspects of my growth.

"Yes, that's it."

He took his hands away from me, returning them to his sides.

"no."

I was confused, but at that moment the bus rounded the corner, and I glanced at the sudden noise and light. When I looked back, the Slender Man had gone, and I walked back to the bus stop feeling cold once more, and very bewildered.
_

I've felt weird all day. And, yeah, I fell asleep on the bus again. I saw Pete in Maths - that hasn't happened for a while now. I told him what happened and he looked a mix of concerned and awestruck.

It's very, ... I suppose, mind-opening(?) to see your life so far, and to see how it's changed who you are. I think I'll have to reflect more on this, but also, what was he doing and why? I don't see why he'd want to "know me" like that, or why he'd want me to know who I am. Is this the thing that Robin was talking about, or was it something completely different?

Edit: And oh, yeah, 50th post. My blog now feels half a century old. And honestly, I come back from a few days of no internet to find I now have over ten followers? Well, welcome to the both of you. I don't know why on earth you'd want to read this thing, but I suppose that's none of my business.

They found Robin's body today. It was in the news. They had to drag it out of the river, around ten miles down stream of here.

The news didn't show any clear pictures of the body, but there was a glimpse of his blue hoodie, mud-stained and water-soaked. Dad noticed I looked upset, so he sat next to me and hugged me.

The reporter said the body had been found with numerous injuries, and that the police were treating the case as suspected murder.


At least his family know for sure now that he's not coming back.

Oh man.

I've been getting ready to leave, and as I was passing the porch I noticed the post had come. So I went to have a look, and sitting on top of the pile was Robin's mask. My mind flashed back and I cringed involuntarily. I picked it up, and attached to it was a note that said "A Souvenir" in long, thin, loopy handwriting.

I've no idea what it means. Is it even a message, or is it just to psych me out? I'm going to keep it in my room for just now, at least until I can figure out what to do with it, if anything.

I'll try and be online tonight. In the meantime, I have to run.

Back again so soon?

-I'm really sorry I couldn't post sooner. I've been waiting all day for even a hint of a connection. But hey, why should the internet work when all I need to do is reassure my friends I'm still alive!?-

My memory of yesterday is very vivid, but it feels strange recalling it, like it happened in a dream or a film or something. It's possibly my mind's attempt to soften the blow of what happened.

My Dad was at work by the time I left, so I wrote him a note. Brainy Smurf wouldn't shut up. He kept telling me not to go, that I would only get into trouble if I left the house. Bless him, he actually seemed concerned about me. I ignored him mostly, and he followed me right up until I walked out the front door. I wasn't sure where I would go. I just couldn't sit around any longer twiddling my thumbs, waiting to see if any monsters would ring the doorbell.

Half of me was scared, half felt depressed. As far as I knew, I was going to face my death. At the end of the lane, I met Robin. He wasn't wearing his mask.

"Hey Batgirl." He said.

"Hey." I said.

"He's this way." He motioned over his shoulder with his thumb. We stood for a second. He looked a cross between excited and tense. I noticed his figure seemed coiled, like a spring.

"I won't run." He nodded and relaxed, but only slightly.

"You coming?"

We walked for a while. We talked too. He told me it wasn't too late to change my mind. I told him I'd made my decision and I wasn't going to back down. He looked sad. We talked about other things, the weather, college, what his life had been like before he met Malinky, and Doctor Who, among other things. At one point I asked where we were going. He asked me where I'd first seen his boss. It was a rhetorical question, so I didn't reply.

When we got the river, I stopped. I tried to push myself forwards, but every single part of me was telling me to run. Robin noticed I'd stopped and he turned round. Then he took my hand.

"It's okay to be scared. But don't worry, I'll be with you. I won't let him hurt you."

I was convinced those words were complete rubbish, but he seemed genuine, and it felt comforting to know someone would be with me who didn't wish me harm.

We walked.

As we turned the corner in the path, I saw him. He was standing in the trees, just like the first time, only this time he was facing me, and he seemed taller than ever. I jumped when I saw him, and I think I even squeaked.

I took a step back, and suddenly my elbows were pulled behind me. I heard Robin whisper in my ear.

"Sorry, it's for your own good."

The Slender Man strode towards the path. The motion was more solid than when we were in the park behind the college. Robin pushed me forwards while still maintaining his lock. I tried resisting but he was far too strong for me. My eyes were glued to that ... face. That non-face. It seemed to swallow everything I was and left me with nothing but fear.

He stopped walking, and Robin stopped pushing. For a moment, everything was still. His head - he looked like he was regarding me. It slowly tilted to one side and I could almost hear - something. It was barely audible at all. I'm not even sure if it was high or low. It sounded like ... silence.  But a different kind of silence.

Behind me, Robin spoke.

"Really?" His boss didn't move. I was practically paralysed with fright. I could feel Robin's breath on my back. He laughed and released my arms. I saw him move towards his boss. The tall one's arms moved out as if to welcome him. Robin turned.

"Wait till you see." I could see the glee on his face. "This is what he did when I met him all those months ago. He says he'll give it to you as well."

He turned back towards his master and moved closer. The faceless turned his face to the boy beneath him, placed his arms on his shoulders. I cringed as two long tentacles emerged from the back of his suit and wrapped themselves around the boy. His hands moved up to the boys face, first one then the other, holding his head the way a loving but dignified parent would reassure a child. More tentacles appeared, caressing him, holding him, stroking him.

I could see the admiration on Robin's face as he looked up at his master. He looked so happy, at peace with himself. Then,

-crack-

his body went limp. The tentacles unwrapped and he slumped over to the ground. And then, that giggle. Again. I felt my strength drain. I was drenched with fear. Then he looked at me. No eyes. No expression. No clue to see what he was thinking. I stumbled backwards until I hit a tree. He loomed over me, and I knew I was too weak to fight, even to run.

And I can't remember what happened next.

My memory is completely blank. The next thing I remember is standing at the end of my street, wondering how I got there. It was already dark. I looked at my watch. I'd left before one o'clock. It was quarter-past five. Some people's curtains were still open, so I knew it was evening rather than morning. I hoped Dad was home. I'd left my keys at home as a security precaution (not that I think he'd need keys to get into my house, but, you know, just in case).

I tried the door when I got to my house. I'd left the door on the latch, so I wasn't surprised when the door gave a little as I turned the handle. I was still locked out, but I could see a light on, so I rang the door bell. I felt so relieved when my Dad answered. I couldn't show it, though, so I pretended to be cold. It felt good to be back in my home, but in that moment, I wished I had my Mum. No matter how crazy the things in my life (or my head) were, she would always listen with a sympathetic nod and an empathetic hug. A while ago, I thought I didn't need it any more. College was fine, I had friends, and she needed her own space. Now, I need her more than ever, and I can't reach her.

As soon as I got to my room, I was faced with every single one of my recurring hallucinations, each with their own set of questions. In the end, I broke down and cried. Most of them got annoyed and went away, and only a few of my closest "friends" were with me. They managed to give me a bit of comfort, but I really don't know what to do.

I don't know what I did yesterday afternoon, in the period I can't remember. Part of me is questioning whether yesterday happened at all.

My dream last night was more or less a nightmare. Robin's body was there, the roses growing through him, holding him, hung like a marionette. His voice,

"Save your strength. Drink deep and long. Feel the love. The love is strong." over and over.

I could see the roses growing. They wrapped themselves around his limbs, they pierced his flesh. His body disintegrated as the flowers grew higher and wider.

"Don't try to save yourself. The only way is down."
_

I should really go to bed now. I'll stay up a little longer though. To be honest, I'm not even sure if I'll be able to sleep tonight. If I can't, well, at least I'll be able to get some college work done. I've got an essay to hand in for tuesday and it's not quite finished yet.

Goodbye for now. I might see you later.

Hello again.

My time of freedom is coming to a close. Booey. I wish I could just sit here forever, pretending like the gale is just on the outside, not also on the inside of my cranium. But no. So many things trying to attract my attention. Screaming at me, even. I'd like to say that my dreams are an escape, but they're really not.

Anyway. I met Rabbie again today. He sat next to me this time. I felt like punching him again, so instead I decided to grill him for all I was worth. I won't go into detail about our conversation, but he did indeed know my mother. See, apparantly, she was his psychiatrist before he was referred to Psychology. And he assures me he isn't crazy and never has been. I suppose. What were his friends and family supposed to think?

A while ago, past-Barb asked me some questions. I'll try to answer them as best I can with the knowledge I have just now:

• How did my mother discover Mr. Tall?

In quite a dignified affair, Rabbie, after he started seeing skinny Malinky long-legs following him, went to see his G.P. about it and was referred to my Mum's department. My Mum prescribed him some medication, but after his stalking intensified she referred him to Psychology. She still had contact with him, but it was limited to a four-weekly "would this patient benefit from any medication" review.

• Was she being followed?

She wasn't being followed as such. At least not early on. Rabbie said he gathered she was being watched around a week before his extraction. And then by the next morning she was dead.

• Was her death natural causes, or was she murdered?

I don't know. I'll probably never know. Rabbie said he was informed of her death as soon as he woke up that morning, so before I made my post. I can't help but think there must have been some foul play.

• Why would she draw an operator symbol at the back of her diary?

It was Rab who drew the picture. He didn't draw the operator symbol, so that must have been my Mum. He said he drew it other places though, before he knew exactly what it was (he wouldn't tell me). My only guess is that my Mum found out a little more about what was stalking him and was trying to protect herself. This fits with her suddenly becoming scared of the woods, but it's strange I haven't found anything else. I could be completely wrong though.

• Am I being watched?

My blog was being followed almost from the beginning. Allegedly, one of the biggest tasks Malinky's minions face is trying to keep up with all the blogs/vlogs etc. and trying to link them to physical people after they work out what's real and what's just fantasy. Rabbie said my blog was one of the first things he was shown on his first night-trip (he was an in-patient at that point - apparently hospital security isn't the best). He told me they'd been narrowing it down, trying to pin-point who I was. Apparently hiding my location/identity was one of my better decisions. The post about Rabbie's disappearance was the piece that made them sure it was me who was posting.

• Has he been watching me ever since I was a child?

From what I gathered, he's been keeping tabs on me, checking up on me every-so-often when there wasn't anything more immediate to care about. Apparently he watches everyone who's ever seen him, just in case. I guess it paid off with me. Either I become useful to him, or I turn against him. If I were him, I could see how it would be useful to know where (and what) I am.

• Is it all my fault?

I honestly don't have an answer for this. I don't know if all of it was my fault, if none of it was my fault, if some of it was, and if so, what was. That's one of the main things I've been thinking about, actually. In this situation, I suppose in every situation really, I can't hope to know what my decisions will bring. I guess all I can do is try and do what's right and hope it all works out.


In the past, I've found the phrase "What would Jesus do?" useful for problems of conscience. Thing is, I've no idea what Jesus would do here. The only thing I can compare it with is the temptation in the desert, but He already knew what His purpose was, and He was being tempted to turn away from God's plan. I don't know what God's plan is. I don't know what my purpose in life is. Human morals give me no direction because they seem to contort and explode at places like this. Everybody's saying "do what's best for you". I don't want to do what's best for me. I want to do what's right. I wish I were more spiritual. Then I could pray for guidance. But I don't really know how to pray. I've tried it once or twice, but usually the voices start jeering at me. The only way I can block it out is to focus on other people and pray for them instead. I feel awful having to ask this. Could somebody pray for me? I've seen it do so many wonderful things for the people at church.
_

I almost forgot. I should probably let you all know, even though I don't know if I'll still be here, I'll be turning seventeen on wednesday. I'm not sure if Dad's planned anything, so I might not be able to post regardless of whether I'm alive or not. Wow. I never thought I'd ever be saying a sentence like that (again).

I realise I've not said much about other areas of my life recently. I suppose I've been preoccupied. I now love Coldplay (C's doing, I wasn't too keen at first but I warmed to them), my coursework is progressing well, and I still need to work out what courses I want to apply for next year. I've got until January, but a lot of them are first-come first-served. Maybe I could just pick some out of a hat.

Pete's been acting a little odd. He was very worried, but then all of a sudden he brightened up, and he's been in a cheery mood ever since. And he's not usually cheery either. Susan just keeps getting in a bigger huff with me, and has now resorted to the silent treatment. Liam is just as oblivious as ever, which is probably the most helpful out of the lot of them.

Anyway, I have to go now, bed time and all that. Goodnight.

I'm Back.

(The Laptop of Doom strikes again. It took Dad all night to fix it, while I sat on his bed doing homework.) All in all, it was a nice weekend, and it was good to get away for a bit. Shame I couldn't fully enjoy it; the fog decided to come back. We went for a walk on Saturday night. It was creepy. I kept feeling like something was watching me, following me. And then my Dad started making ghost noises and I nearly hit him. On Saturday morning I sat in the lounge, eating my cereal, and stared at the scenery. It was beautiful. The sun was just coming up. It shone onto the mist, giving it a golden-pinky hue. I could just make out the side of the loch. There is something comforting about being surrounded by trees, even with the associated danger. I had a lot to think about, and nothing particularly eventful happened while we were there. Probably the most exciting thing that happened was my Dad blowing on some grass and a moorhen replying.

But anyway, I should get on to what happened to me on Wenesday night.

I'd had an alright day at college, not the best, but nothing too drastic happened. Enough, though, that it felt good to be on the bus home. A few stops after I'd got on, and I was settling down, listening to my mp3 player, when I notice a blue hood at the back of the procession coming up the stairs. So I sat up, fully alert though not knowing what I could do if it was him. The bus lurched forwards before everyone was up, and as he was thrown forward, his head turned slightly, and I saw the glint of sequins. I didn't know what to do so I just sat there and hoped he wouldn't notice me. It was a stupid hope. Although there was no one sitting next to me, he sat down in front of me and turned round.

"So, Barbara."

I switched off my mp3 player and took my headphones out. Part of me was screaming "Run! Just hit him and run!", but the rest of me was mostly just annoyed by the intrusion.

"Yeah?"
"Have you given any thought to our little ... proposition?"
"It's been less than a week."
"I know, I know. I was just wondering what you were thinking. If you'd maybe even already come to a decision."

He looked like that one child in primary school who would always end up drinking too much fizzy juice at lunch time. It wasn't so much a fidget, more of a sort of - pent-up energy? He kept shifting his position, kind of swaying slightly, although not in time with the rest of the bus. In contrast with his posture, his smile stayed suspiciously fixed. I wondered if he knew more than he was letting on. I avoided his question.

"Can't people see you?"
"Oh, they know I'm here, they just think I'm unimportant. It's kind of like a -"
"Don't say it." On no account did I want to hear the words "perception filter". He smirked.
"You don't even know what I was going to say."
"Trust me, I've heard it enough and I'm sick of the comparisons."
"Fine." He chuckled. "So back to my original question. What do you think? Are you thinking of joining?" He stared at me. I glared back. I really wasn't in a good mood. His expression changed. "Oh, don't look so glum. I'm just trying to be friendly." It was here that I snapped.
"Friendly?! You follow that faceless monster around, pin me down so I can't get away from him, sneak up on me when I'm coming home from work and scare me half to death, then you show up on my bus when I finally have some time to relax and say you're being friendly?! How am I supposed to react?!"
"I suppose. And I'm a complete stranger to you." He paused for a moment, looking thoughtful. "Ah, f*** it."

He pulled down his hood and took off his mask. My jaw and my eyebrows went in opposite directions.

"Robert?!"
"Yup. Though I prefer the name "Robin", actually."

I was utterly gobsmacked. This was the guy that went missing last month. His hair was much shorter than it had been in the photo, probably the reason why my over-suspicious mind didn't think of it before. And then my mind stumbled on a prospect most horrifying.

"Wait a minute, was that a Burns joke?"
 He laughed. "No, I'd never even thought of that! You're sharp, you are."

My frown lessened a little. As much as you want to hate someone, it's hard when they're showing good-humour. Then my mind started to wonder what this all meant. Is it possible to fight against someone for whom you don't have complete hatred and fear? He spoke again.

"Are you sure you don't want to join us?"
"Yes." I looked away for a second. "I don't want to hurt anyone. I- I couldn't hurt anyone again."
"Well, you gave me a pretty good punch. But anyway, you don't have to hurt people. There's other things, like intelligence gathering. I know how much you like spending time on your laptop."
"But that's mostly because of my friends. And most of them are currently being harassed or attacked by your boss. I'm not going to betray them."
"You could lie."
"What?"
"You could pretend you're still on their side, and just keep acting like you usually would. There's no way for them to see if you're telling the truth."
"You make me feel sick. Honestly." I felt like getting up and leaving, even though my stop was still ages away. I almost did.
"You know, he's only trying to start a family." He spoke softly this time. I sat back down, confused. "I was scared of him at first too, but then ... then he told me things. He showed me ... love. Love like I'd never felt before. It burned. He took away my fear, and now I'm not scared of anything. I'm so much stronger than I used to be, especially on the inside."

I felt my own fear rising. I couldn't let his seductive tone drag me in. Sure, I have weaknesses, don't we all? I don't need to be stronger. At least, I'm not prepared to lose what's most important to me so I can become invulnerable.

"Look, I'm not going to join you, for the same reasons I avoid Coca-Cola and Nestlé." He sighed
"Fair enough, if that's your answer. Just - think about what I said, okay?" He got up and moved to the top of the staircase. "See ya round, Batgirl."
_

So now I'm dead certain my blog's been traced to me. I'd had my suspicions. Well, at least I know who that anonymous follower from Britain is.

Oh, and Rabbie, if I'm correct and you are reading this, you don't scare me. There's no way I'm joining your master. See, unlike you, I still have my morals. And I'm going to keep them, even if I have to fight.

Goodnight everyone.

As if I wasn't worried enough already...

You'll know that, ever since Tuesday's incident (you know, it's funny, I've realised that was All Saint's Day) it's been stressful for me to walk for any period of time outside. Well, I had work today, so I had to walk all the way across town. At least there were people around, but that didn't stop the blue guy last time, and I wasn't sure if they might be hiding down a dark side-street or something.

Work was good, though. A bit of manual labour gave me the chance to distract myself from everything. I was glad of the chance to forget my emotions and just stack to the bleeping of the checkouts.

It was dark when I finished. I stepped out to see the first of the fireworks burst out of the nearly black sky. It was soon answered by others across the town. I had my jacket with me, but I still felt chilly. When I was well underway, I stopped and turned to gaze at a particularly flamboyant and boisterous display. Suddenly, a gloved hand clamped itself over my mouth. I tried to yell but the noise was too muffled for anyone to hear. I tried to struggle but powerful arms held me tight. A voice, calm and smooth, whispered in my ear.

"Hello Barbara." I squealed and tried to struggle again, but he held me firm. "I realise we must have spooked you something awful on tuesday, so I asked the boss and he agreed to give you another chance."

He paused.

"I know it must be a big decision for you, what with you being well on the way to being accepted in this... society, so we'll give you some time to think it over, say, two weeks? No need to track us down, we'll find you."

He paused again. I tried to struggle again. He didn't let go.

"You're a good girl. I know you'll make the right decision." The hand lifted, the arms were gone. I turned, but I couldn't see anyone. I ran the rest of the way home.
_

I've got to go. Dad's taking me out to a display. I would have had this up earlier, but while I was typing our next door neighbour decided to have a display of his own, and my bedroom window was a prime spot for observation. I'll probably be back on later, if not, then arrivederci.

Still here, losing it a little

Getting up for college today was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. And that includes all the interviews I've ever been to (all four of them *sighs*).
Bear in mind that last night's incident happened around sunset and the sun wasn't even close to rising when I woke up this morning. Add a late and restless night on top of that and you probably have a small idea about how I felt this morning.

Pete was around - evidently he'd been with me all night. He asked me if I was sure I wanted to go, but I told him I had to. I can't let this stop me from living my life. I've had too many setbacks as it is. I was just beginning to feel like I'm succeeding, like some day I can find my place and become a contributive member of society. Even you lot reading this have seen how far I've come since August. I don't want to lose that. I don't want to go back to how I was before Susan split off.

The walk (or rather, run) to the bus stop was nerve-wracking. Where I live, I have to walk along a wooded lane to get to the main road. The sky was beginning to lighten, which gave me just a little reassurance. Once I was on the main road, I felt a little better. Not another soul was in sight, but the sound of birdsong pierced the air and I felt relieved.

Once me and Pete were nearer the town centre than my house, we stopped running. We could hear the sound of lonely cars groaning along the High Street, and I felt safer. There were the usual morning commuters at the bus stop, exhaustion carved into their faces, boredom distorting their postures.
 _

Pete stayed with me the whole day. Even on the buses. He took the window seat (he gets travel sick easily) which meant I could concentrate what was on the inside of the bus rather than the outside. I think that helped, along with the isolating power of my mp3 player.

Unfortunately, my friends noticed I was being quieter than usual. They asked what was bugging me so I just said I was tired. (And I wasn't lying. >_<) I forced myself to brighten up. I can't let them know anything's wrong. I'll never forgive myself if anything happens to them because of me.

I almost considered letting them know Pete was with me, since they seem to like him, but he'd told me earlier he wanted to stay under the radar and focus on making sure I was alright. I honestly don't know what I'd do without him.
_

Susan officially hates me. She hates me for turning down that offer last night, for running from the people that could make her dreams come true, and for not caring about anything she wants. If it was so important to her, why didn't she come out last night while it was actually happening instead of just complaining about my decision after I got home? I honestly don't understand her motives one bit.

Talking of when I got home, Dad noticed something was wrong. Fair enough, I wasn't really capable of hiding it at that point. I must have looked a wreck when I got through the door. I couldn't finish my dinner, and there was around five minutes between each bite. All I could think about was how scared and helpless I felt, how I have no idea what would have happened to me if I didn't manage to get away, how he seemed to be waiting for me when I saw him from the bus.

He told me I didn't look very well. I told him I thought I was coming down with something. I had to write him a note before I left this morning, saying I felt well enough for college. He phoned me when I was on the bus as well. I had to pretend to sound happy.

Honestly, I've been using the "tired" excuse all day. Friends, lecturers, even Dad. The journey home was gruelling. I hadn't seen a hint of Slender all day, but I caught a glimpse of his blue-robed companion when I was on the bus back. I was stopped at a red light, when Pete gasped. I looked down, and there he was, just leaning against the wall, right under the window, looking up. He smiled at me and saluted, then the bus pulled away.

I didn't see him again, but that one glimpse was enough. It was another hour until I got home. When Dad saw me, he said I shouldn't have gone. I told him I felt better than I had last night. He nodded but said he didn't want me to get any worse. I told him I wasn't going to take a day off unless I had to. He sighed and just said "see you?" then gave me a hug.
_

Overall, I am feeling better than I was last night, but I'm only just managing to keep myself together. Arguing with Susan makes me angry and tires me out, time alone makes me dwell on bad prosepects, and I miss my Mum more than ever.

I used to be able to talk to her about whatever I was worried about, whatever was going through my head, and she'd be able to make me feel better about it. Pete's been so supportive. I don't think I'll ever be able to thank him enough. Liam is a comforting presence, but he doesn't understand what's wrong. How could he? He's a badger. A small, cuddly badger. I haven't been cuddling him enough. I think that's why he looks so confused. I should cuddle him more.
_

I had a very vivid dream last night. I was in a forest, sitting in a tree, high above the ground. There were some badgers below, some of them running about, tackling each other, others just plodded along, snuffling the ground. (None of them were Liam, but that's not important.) It was autumn. The trees were almost bare, and a carpet of orange coated the ground. The sun was approaching the west, and it cast a golden light on the scene. I looked to my left and my mother was sitting next to me. She was smiling at the badgers.

I asked her "Why are you here?"
She just looked at me and smiled.
I couldn't smile back. I looked down at the badgers. They started moving away, towards the setting sun.

"You know I'm proud of you?" she said.
I nodded. "I miss you."
"I know." She looked down again.

The branch seemed to slide down the tree, until we were only a few feet up. My Mum slipped off and I followed. We walked for a while together.

"Barb?" she said.
"Yeah?"
"I didn't want to go."
"I know."
"It's just ..." Her gaze suddenly shifted to something behind me and her eyes widened. "Run!"

She pushed me and I ran. I looked back. My Mum was standing with her back to me, looking into a black, cloudy portal the width and height of two men.

"Mum!" I yelled.

She didn't respond.

I watched as thin black tendrils wrapped themselves round the side of the portal. My Mum turned round.

"I said run, Barbara!" she shouted.

I ran. I don't know what happened to her, but soon enough the blackness started appearing in my peripherals, wrapping itself around my plane of vision. I looked over my shoulder and everything was black. I tried to outrun the blackness, its convulsing tendrils racing with me. Eventually it overtook me and I fell away from the ground, flailing helplessly. My fall was broken when I became caught within more thin, black tangles. I initially thought the were the same tendrils as before, but these were tangible, strong, they held me in place when i tried to struggle. I let my body relax and I looked around.

Blue roses. Above, beside, below me. Their stems thin and gently curved, leaves as black as the void.
_

I'm sorry for the length and the disjointedness of this post. There was so much I wanted to say, and I can't think straight at the moment. I can only apologise. Maybe I could go through it later and make it flow better, when I can think straight.

Breathe, Barb

Okay. To borrow a phrase, "doodoo" just got real.

I saw him. And he saw me. And, well, I should probably start at the beginning.

Tuesday, 1st of November, 2011. The day after Halloween. My only class today was English. It just so happens to be right at the end of the day though, so although I don't have to get the bus until around 11am, I don't leave college until half four. It was almost sunset by the time I got outside.

Most of the day went without a hitch. I met my friends for lunch, and in class we made an "academic poster" for Cuckoo's Nest, which was slightly stressful but fun. At the start of the class, our lecturer informed us that the next test is going to be at [redacted]. I haven't been there before, but B was at college last year and C's already had a test there, so they both know where it is already.

This is taking too long.

Long story short, I found out roughly where it was and went to find it myself after college. I was walking along, through an area of posh-looking flats, noticed someone behind me, found the place, turned back but walked through the park this time.

Now I'll tell you what happened.

It was nearly dark. The orange hues of sunset were turning to the purple hues of twilight. When I'd seen the figure behind me, my paranoia had almost kicked in, but I stuffed it down before it had a chance to panic. After all, why shouldn't someone else be doing the same thing I am? 

I decided to walk back through the park (big, wide, open, gently undulating - land that had once been a barren waste of crushed bricks and metal but now had trees and grass and water) to calm myself. For some reason atmosphere and landscape seems to affect my mood.

As I walked, I couldn't see another soul. This was comforting until I realised I couldn't see the ducks or the swans. I thought it was strange, but I kept walking. "I shouldn't worry. There's usually a logical reason for anything, even if we can't explain it."

I was wrong.

It was when I was near the centre of the park - no trees nearby, and the water was at least five jumps away - that in the three or four of seconds my head was turned to the right, someone had appeared at my left.

Needless to say, when I turned my head I nearly jumped out my skin. I screamed at him. The guy laughed. He was around four inches taller than me. He had a blue hoodie, with the hood up, and a mask across his eyes. His trousers were black. I couldn't see his hair and the mask had some sort of fabric obscuring his eyes. Now that I think about it, the mask was made up of multicoloured sequins and was the shape of bat wings.

I asked "Who are you?" (with emphasis on "you"), well, I think I yelled it.

He laughed again. I bolted. After ten metres, I felt him against my shins and he brought me down from behind. I rolled to the side and tried to kick him off, yelling "No! Get off!". He laughed and I tried to kick him in the mouth, but missed.

He let go but I only had time to flip back onto my front before he pounced on me and pinned me down. I tried struggling but it didn't work.

"Are you going to join us, Barbara?" He said quietly in my ear. His voice was clear and soft, but I could hear mirth breaking through, disrupting its natural smoothness.

My heart dropped and I looked up. There he was, less than two metres away - tall, slim, sharp-dressed man with no face, staring down at me. His arms were open as if inviting an embrace. He seemed to emanate calmness. He tilted his head slightly to one side, as if he was waiting for me to come to him.

His very presence seemed to fill the atmosphere with calm, but all I felt inside was fear, washing over me, filling my body with panic. I bucked and managed to throw the guy off my back. I scrambled up and ran.

It couldn't be real. It had to be a hallucination or a nightmare, I thought as I sprinted. Well, actually, that was what my subconscious brain thought. The only thing my conscious brain told me was "GET OUT!".

I could hear the thud of steps behind me. It had only been a few seconds, though, when suddenly I tripped, and once again I was pinned down, this time on my front.

"Did you think you'd got away?"

Movement caught my eye, and I saw a long black tentacle retreating across the grass to its owner. Then I heard the most unnerving sound I've ever heard in my whole life. It giggled. It actually giggled. Though the noise seemed to come from inside my own head, like I was hearing it through earphones. It was like a child's giggle, so high-pitched, and with an almost gurgling quality.

Slowly, he moved towards me. It was so smooth. His legs were moving as though he were walking, but his torso seemed to glide gently forwards. I can't remember his feet. Does he have feet?

I could only stare as the distance closed. The boy glanced over his shoulder, then pulled me up, keeping hold of my elbow. I saw my opportunity and punched him in the arm.

"Ah, ya f***er!" he yelled as I sprinted away. I couldn't hear him running after me, but I wanted to get as far away as possible. I spotted a way out the park and I ran until I reached the main road, paused to check which way to go next, and ran to the nearest bus stop. There were people there, thank goodness. I don't think I've ever been so glad to be in the company of strangers, even if they looked at me weirdly.

It was only five minutes until my bus came, but it felt like half an hour. I kept looking back the way I came, just to reassure myself I hadn't been followed. It was a relief to get on the bus. Climbing the stairs was difficult, but I got up there in the end and collapsed into a seat as the bus pulled away.

My heart was still racing, and my limbs were shaking slightly, but the coarse rumbling of the engine felt almost soothing. Darkness was closing in around the bus, isolating it from the bustling world outside.

But I happened to look out of the window just as we passed my college, and I saw a too-tall figure with dark clothing and no discernible features standing near the entrance. Standing. Watching. Waiting.