So, I seem to have blacked out sometime last night. I don't remember writing my last post, and I'm a little concerned about what might have happened. I'm okay, though. I'm managing to hold it together.
I left early for college this morning, just in case there were hold-ups. I passed a couple of piles of debris - for the most part broken branches, but roof slates and rubbish and the occasional more eye-catching object managed to find their way onto the piles.
I arrived a little bit early at college, so I took the time to draw. I don't usually get the chance to be creative nowadays. I drew a sort of comic strip - an evil scientist had someone tied to a chair, and threatened them with "THE CATHODE RAY!". The poor little stick-fellow was very very frightened. The scientist then turned on the device, but it didn't seem to do anything. He was like "Argh, why won't you work!?". The frightened stick-man was then like "Strange, I feel almost... happy!".
It wasn't intended to be particularly funny, just a sort of a private chuckle. But I showed it to A and she laughed (B wasn't in today), so tell me if you get it.
We put the Christmas tree up tonight, me and Dad. Pete was hanging around, making suggestions about where things should go etc., and I got a surprise when I lifted the box to take it upstairs and found Liam had decided to hide inside it. XD
It was strange decorating the tree without Mum there. It was always me and her who put the tinsel on. [Our tree is a plastic imitation, by the way; a relic from the days where quality was the most important aspect of manufacture.] But there were the decorations she'd made as well. Even some of the ones that I made, I could remember her helping me with, when I was little.
The smart of grief that I felt, that I'm still feeling a little bit if I'm honest, was juxtaposed by the warmth from the tree and from doing something together. I think Dad felt it too, though we both smiled and laughed. But now, with the tree up, it almost feels like she's with us. I don't know how to explain it, but the loving memories, and the love she put into each of the decorations, they're still there, and it's like the tree is a symbol of that.
It's two weeks until the holidays. I don't get off until the 22nd. I don't know how the college expects people to get their Christmas shopping done, but I suppose they're only really interested in getting a high pass-rate at the end of the year. It's the same reason they're so strict with attendance and bursaries etc.. No point funding a student if they're not going to pass.