Monday, 7 November 2011


So, things are pretty quiet here. But then again, "quiet" doesn't necessarily mean safety. I'm ashamed to say the stress has been getting to me, despite the support I've been getting from you guys, from Pete and Liam (and others who I don't have permission to mention), and from my friends at college.

I've been slipping behind in my college work. Not by much, but I'm not as on top of things as I used to be. I used to be able to get my homework done in about fifteen minutes each night, and then I could blog or play flash games or draw or do whatever I wanted. Now I'm even having to finish it on the bus, which isn't easy when all your body wants to do is sleep. I'm having to get up earlier now that the cold's setting in for real. Which of course makes me even slower in the mornings so I have to keep waking up ten minutes earlier every few days.

Acht. Enough complaining. It won't help. So, what else is happening? Dad's getting concerned about me. He hasn't said much, but I can see it on his face. I came in this evening and the first thing he said was "How about a holiday?". Rapid discussion ensued, and now he's dragging me up north for the weekend. He's booked it already. He's sure the trees will help me relax. I don't know about that (*rolls eyes*), but I suppose, the scenery up there is very beautiful, so I may as well take any chance I can get to unwind. It means I'll have to get most of my work done before we leave, and I won't be able to post again until we're back, but I think I can manage. I've got something to look forward to now. Something to work towards. Something that doesn't involve writing a probably futile personal statement.

Oh, sorry, I started complaining again, didn't I? Ah well, at least the only person I'm hurting with it is myself. I've got to decide which universities I'm going to apply for, what courses I want to study, and write a personal statement showing (not telling) that I would make a good student. I don't know about the rest of you, but I generally don't go around boasting about how great a person I am, and neither does anyone I know. I'll figure it out eventually, but the college puts deadlines on things and I really don't want to muck up their system.

On the domestic front, Dad's looking for a job, but he's not worked a day in the past fifteen years so employers are reluctant to hire him. (at least, that's what they say their reason is, I wouldn't put it past them to discriminate on age grounds) I'll go visit my boss tomorrow and see if he's got any spots open. I heard one of the girls left last week (under dubious circumstances, which is probably why people were talking about it), but there hasn't been any notices up, so it might have been filled already. I'm not sure I'll be completely comfortable having my Dad working at the same place as me, but if it needs to be done it needs to be done.

Back to the stress, since Sunday I've had this strange feeling of being watched. It's probably just paranoia on my part, but it's impossible to know. There was fog today, though. (still is, actually) It came in around lunch time, but it didn't come from the sea like usual. It came down from the direction of the hills, thick, choking, swirling. The bus nearly had an accident on the way home. It's mostly cleared now, but it's definitely still out there, and it's eerie.

My dreams are back to normal, but the presence of the blue roses is growing. Every night, there seems to be more of them; growing along walls, sitting daintily on tables, embroidered into the carpet - everywhere. I looked them up to see if I could get any hints as to what it might mean, but most of the answers I got were either too vague, too specific, or contradicted each other. The only consensus I got from all of them is that they represent something fantastic or impossible. Apparently they used to represent the feelings of love at first sight or attaining the impossible to the Victorians.

I don't know. I suppose it will be revealed in time, especially if they keep growing at this rate. (you know, it reminds me of the red weed) It would be nice to know, though, if they're a good or bad omen.

Anyway, I think that's enough for tonight. I'm going to try and not stay up late anymore. Goodness knows I need my sleep.


  1. 'Impossible', but they still exist. Hard as anything to come by though. And even harder to afford. :|

    Replying to your last comment, take your time choosing. You have the chance to really think it over. Me? I...I guess I do regret it some times. But I'm not a dime-a-dozen follower, either. The boss is using me for some project, same reasons why he sent Anarchy running around with the construct.

    It's getting me where I'm going though. And there's no room for regret.

  2. Thanks for responding. I've realised now that there's no way I could join him. I'm not even sure what I was thinking even considering it. I can't hurt anyone. I mean, Susan could, but I couldn't let that happen. It certainly wouldn't get me any closer to my goals. Not to mention I'd be turning my back on everything that I value.

    I guess I let my fear get the best of me. I still don't know what I'll do, but at least I know what I'm not going to do.

    The roses in my dreams are like nothing I've ever seen. Their stems are so thin and smooth, but they never break. The leaves feel like velvet and they're so black I can't see any detail at all. It's almost like they're made of nothingness itself.