Thursday, 13 October 2011


To me, you were more than a mother, you were my teacher, my mentor, my champion, my protector. You were the one who comforted me, and you never gave up on me, even when I'd given up on myself. Even when I was broken, and the rest of the world couldn't tolerate my existence, you held me and let me heal. When I was fumbling in the dark, you gave me a match and a candle.

And although you provided for me more than enough, you were never afraid to tell me no. You were my guide whenever I was struggling with my path. You were there when I needed you the most. Even when I thought I didn't need you anymore, you never abandoned me. You were always there with a walking stick in case I fell again.

You loved me despite my weaknesses and despite my lies. Even when you caught a glimpse of my wretchedness, you didn't cast me out, but bathed me and clothed me and made me shine again. You were never repulsed by what you saw within me, the monster that didn't deserve the gifts you gave me.

Words cannot explain how much I love you or the gratitude I feel. Some day, hopefully, we will meet again. Until then, I hope I can make you proud.

I will never forget your kindness.


  1. I'm sorry, Barb. I truly am.

    You'll see her again one day.

  2. Damn, this made me almost miss my mom.... almost....

    This also almost made me cry. Maybe because I didn't have the kind of connection you and your mom had.

    But if you wanna talk, regardless, I'm here.

  3. I feel the sadness in my heart.
    It's crying tears of blood.

    I' m so sorry...

  4. Thank you. It helps a lot, knowing people care, that I don't have to cope all by myself.

    I know she's up there waiting for me, and she doesn't have to worry any more, but I miss her, and I know Dad does too. We'll get through this though. It's just trying to get over the shock of her leaving that's the biggest hurdle.

    Tori, it just makes me realise how lucky I am to have had her. Even at the funeral, ... actually, I think I'll post about it later. I wasn't going to talk about it, hiding my identity and all that, but I've been looking back through this and somebody who knows me IRL would already be able to figure out who I was.