Friday, 7 October 2011

I feel ill.

Dad's not looking so good either. He's been slumped in a chair for hours, just staring out the window. He finished cleaning the blood off the carpet earlier. I suppose I should tell you what happened.

My Mum went upstairs early last night. She said she wanted to get some reading done before bed. I was in my room at the time, but I heard them come up the stairs so I went and said goodnight, and that was the last I saw of her. Apparently she was asleep by the time my Dad went to bed.

He was woken up at around ten to four with Mum hitting him. She was coughing really badly, like she couldn't breathe, and then she started coughing up blood as well, so he knew something was really wrong. He helped her to the bathroom so she could lean over the toilet while he phoned the ambulance, then he wrote me that note, and went back to hold her hand. He told me she looked so scared, like she was afraid of him leaving.

Ten minutes later, the ambulance had arrived. They carried her out, and my Dad stayed with her in the back while the paramedics did their best. By the time they arrived at the hospital, she was nearly gone. She was dead within the next twenty minutes.

I'm going to try and get my Dad to eat something. Neither of us have been able to eat. I've been forcing myself to drink water, because I know what'll happen if I don't. I made up a big jug of water earlier, and I put lemon slices in it to keep it fresh. Ever since Dad sat down, I've been refilling his glass every-so-often. I'll make rice. There's some basmati in the cupboard. Hopefully the smell will stimulate our appetites.

B texted me earlier, asking why I wasn't at college and if I was alright. I said I'd talk to them when I get back. I keep crying. It was so sudden. There wasn't any warning. Dad said the Doctors told him they thought it was a pulimonry embolism or something like that. Whatever it was, apparently it's a (tiny) risk when people are forced to stay off their feet.

I feel like this is just a bad dream, but I know it's not. I just can't believe she's gone so suddenly. The whole world's changed, just overnight. It's not good.

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