Friday, 7 October 2011

She's gone.

It can't be real.

I woke up at my six this morning for my run, but there was a note from my Dad on the inside of my door. It said that he'd had to take Mum to the hospital and not to worry. He'd try to phone me around half six. When I opened my door I noticed bloodstains on the carpet, here and there, mostly between my parents room and the bathroom, but some leading down the stairs as well. There was some on the walls too. I tried not to think about it while I was having breakfast. I was alone in the house. I didn't even notice that Liam wasn't there. Usually my parents would be sleeping upstairs, but they weren't there.

I tried waiting for the phone to ring, but I couldn't settle so I decided to start washing some of the blood stains out the carpet. It wasn't completely dry yet, so it came off quite easily. It was all mucusy, as well. I thought - I don't know. I didn't know. Oh no. Please no.

When the phone rang, I stared at it for a second before I picked it up. It was my Dad. He sounded shaken. He wasn't feeling right. He asked me if I was okay and I said I was. It was surreal. He told me to get the bus to the hospital and bring some change so he could get back too. I asked him what happened, and he said he'd talk to me when I got there. I asked him if Mum was alright. He refused to answer the question. There were a couple of false starts but eventually he just repeated what he said before. I think I knew then. I think I knew. Something bad. Really really bad. NO!

I have an mp3 player now. I bought it a few days ago. It's got my music on it. It played The War Of The Worlds. I stayed in a trance. Everything was so surreal. Martians walking around the city streets, burning people with the heat ray. I wasn't even listening to what was playing. I just stared at the destruction outside the bus windows. Nobody inside made a sound. They just got on and got off wherever they needed to be, running along through the panicked crowds. Sometimes I felt my eyes water, but the tears never released.

By the time I got to the hospital, the Martians had all but disappeared. There was one near the horizon, walking away. And I met my Dad inside. He told me what happened.

I'll tell you later. I think I need to go now. It's not - It's - I can't deal with this. She's gone and I can't get her back. She's gone. No! I want my Mum. I want my Mum. I want my Mum. She can't be gone! I need her to be here. I can't hold on any longer. I have to go.


  1. I'm sorry, Barb. I really am.

    I'm here for you if you need to talk.

  2. Thank you. It means a lot.

    It's just such a shock. And I get so angry when I see what else is happening.

    It shouldn't happen. I just feel like screaming "Enough!" and ending all of it. It wouldn't happen though, and I'd just be a crazy person shouting at the sky.

    And I know I don't comment on your blog much (in fact, I don't think I have at all, have I?) but I'm reading everything, and I want you to know that I care as much as you do about how things turn out.